Hello Stick, Goodbye Carrot
I am starting a newsletter where I will be sharing one essay every two weeks.
My work gets published in a number of places so, rather than having to sift around the internet for my work, I will be sharing a couple of my essays via email on the 1st and 15th of every month.
As well, I’ll be including updates on smaller pieces like humor and fiction that are scattered around.
If you’d like to sign up/learn more, it is easy to do by following this link:
I wrote a parody humor piece of the book “Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day” about Donald Trump called “Donald and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Pandemic,” and it was published in a magazine called Points In Case.
I’m not sure if this book was popular in Russia. It is about a whiney little kid named Alexander and his bad day. I feel like if it was a Russian book it would be much shorter like: “Alexye and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day” and you’d open it up and it’d just say: “And he got the fuck over it because that’s life.”
Or it would be 900 pages long.
Octopi Peddlers and the Value of a Bag of Salt
My latest collaboration is live! It is a short magical realism story about Sennaya Market in Saint Petersburg where all of the vendors are sickly Octopi, illustrated by Eaganiya.art!
You can check out more from eaganiya art on her Instagram:
Butt Surgery [Director’s Cut]
I have decided to release a “director’s cut” version of my essay: “That Time I got Illegal Butt Surgery in Russia”
This is the kind of thing I will be doing in my newsletter twice a month (aside from practicing with my silly comics). I will be providing background information and deleted scenes from my published essays and where things are today in regard to the events that happened.
Hope you enjoy it.
For anyone who was missing my weird-ass fiction, you can find this new little piece called “ORGASM” in a little magazine called Muskeg.
What do you and your brother do when you talk on the phone?
-Try to convince an Artificially Intelligent text generator to write us sex poems.
Oh, cool--wait, what?
(This article was inspired by this website Nikita sent me and also he created this fucking fantastic image to go along with it.)
Life Feels Safe in South Korea Right Now
I have been living and working in South Korea for a bit and the handling of the COVID-19 situation here has been wildly better than in both America and Russia. If anyone is curious what life looks like with this type of response you can check out my new article in Elemental.
If you have any comments on what is going on with this pandemic in Russia, please DM me: @benjamindavis
For any Russians trying to understand the protests in America right now, this is an article (by a Russian) that explains it well focusing on a lot of the misconceptions and rhetoric in Russia specifically. -
Request for Russian Momisms:
I am writing a new article about Russian momisms: common sayings of Russian Moms. The goal is to compare them to the sayings that many American Mom’s use. Some examples:
“Why? Because I said so, that’s why!”
“I’m going to give you until the count of three!”
“It’s all fun and games until someone gets hurt”
“If everyone jumped off a cliff, would you do it to?”
“I would never have talked to my mother like that.”
I wanted to know if Russian moms say similar things or are there different common sayings that moms have in Russia?
Or if there is just something your Mom also used to say that has stuck with you, I’d love to hear that too.
Message me @benjamindavis
A new story of mine: The Fox and the Bear (a demented retelling of the Tortoise and the Hare) illustrated by Stephanie Stickel, was just published in Little Old Lady Comedy:
What do Russians think about Racism in America?
I am writing an article about this because I’ve had a lot of Russians discuss race with me in the past and even more so lately. So, I wanted to know. Do Russians have questions about why the BLM is happening, and what do people in Russia think about it?
Message me any thoughts/responses: @benjamindavis
A new humor piece of mine was just put up about how Americans tend to handle sharing their political views for anyone who wonders how things have gotten so fucked over there: https://psiloveyou.xyz/10-signs-that-you-are-part-of-the-problem-61c5dfa43e65?source=friends_link&sk=c394098f52401e67895fb80ba64cbc7d
Who Does Conspiracy Theories Best? Russia or the U.S.
My latest article is up in Russia Beyond. Thank you to those who contributed answers and helped me figure out just what the fuck Dyatlov Pass was.
Contemplating My Bisexuality While Gettin’ Swole
Ever wonder if maybe gym culture is a little gay? Then thought: who cares? Maybe I’m a little gay.
No? Just me?
That’s what my latest essay is about. Along with a stellar featured image by Nikita
No One Can Figure Out Why John Fed Himself to a Bear
My latest short fiction story was published in Back Patio Press yesterday about a superhero zoo, and other stuff. Check it out
Curious about what life in Beijing, China is like?
I decided to go a different route and publish my latest essay "Uncle Stupid" in my substack newsletter rather than send it off to magazines.
If anyone is interested, it is about my first job in Beijing, China “teaching” babies. It is free to read and (ahem) free to subscribe for more essays in the future.
I promise you will at least chuckle.
Three Prose Poems That Might Be About Cats
Have you been wondering what my poetry looks like?
No? Yeah, didn't think so. But three of them got published anyway.
They are up now in a magazine called Maudlin House. You can check it out for free here:
Hi guys, a new short magical realism story of mine was just published by Digging Press over the past weekend. It is free to read and super short. Here is the link if you want to check it out:
Seeking Contributions for my upcoming article:
I am writing a new piece about the current American Fuck Show—ah, sorry, I mean:
I am writing a new piece about the American Presidential Election. I want to know what people in Russia think of it.
If you have a minute could you DM me and answer one or all of the following questions:
1. Who do you think won and why?
2. What kind of things are you hearing about it in Russian social media and news?
3. Has this election changed the way you see America at all?
Any and all thoughts on this are welcome:
Send responses to: @benjamindavis
Thank you in advance!
If anyone is curious about how Korea has kept its COVID numbers so low, a piece I wrote for Elemental just went up where I map out the basics:
Russian Moms vs. American Moms!
My latest article is up in Russia Beyond (forgot to send it out before). This one is about Russian/American momisms. I’m going to do another one on Dads. I’ll sent details in a bit. For now, check it out.
Are Russian Dads funny?
In America we have “Dad Jokes”
They often go something like these:
"Dad, did you get a haircut?" "No, I got them all cut!"
"Why don't eggs tell jokes? They'd crack each other up."
"I don't trust stairs. They're always up to something."
So, I am writing an article comparing American and Russian Dad Jokes and want to ask:
1. Do Russian Dads tell these kinds of jokes?
2. What are some classic Dad jokes?
3. Does your Dad have any of these jokes?
Please message me your responses: @benjamindavis
What Happened When Frank Died is Alive!
Good news for anyone who started following Nikita and I after our Flash-365 project. We are back creating art and fiction for a new column in Talk Vomit. New stories will come out every other Wednesday!
You can check out the first one here:
For those of you who never read Flash-365, here is a breakdown of what these stories will be:
In this column, for as long as I’m allowed, I’m going to kill Frank. Like—a lot. Worse, every two weeks, he will then be subjected to a multiverse of afterlives: absurd, funny, brutal, depressing, wild, creepy, heart-wrenching afterlives. Some will be based on existing theories, some on my own demented imaginings. In each, Frank will begin anew, searching, as always, for his lost family in the messy business of the many potential Great Beyonds. Frank (thankfully) does not remember his past-afterlives. Yet, attentive readers who pick up clues along the way will be able to solve the mystery of what happened before Frank died.
I hope you enjoy them. If you’d like to read up on what inspires each story and get updates on where my work can be found every two weeks, you can sign up for my newsletter (for free) here: https://benjamindavis.substack.com/
How BAD are dad jokes in Russia?
My latest article is up in Russia Beyond. Thank you very much to everyone who contributed. I hope you enjoy it. I’ll have a new question for my next article soon.
“Our American writer living in St. Petersburg investigated what things Russian dads poked fun at and if they were any different from the things dads in the U.S. laughed at. Do dads from either sides of the pond share the same hackneyed bad jokes and poor wordplay?”
What Happened When Frank Looked Between His Legs
My latest What Happened When Frank Died story is up in Talk Vomit. This one is my attempt to answer the question: What does overpopulation look like in heaven?
This one features a fucking amazing new work of art by Nikita. Check it out, share it around, be cool.